Burritos! Quesadillas! Flank steak on the grill! Anything on the grill! My friends and I were tending the grill while our wives drank wine on the patio and we fell into discussing the cultural phenomenon of men taking over in the kitchen. Just about every man we know under the age of 60 does most of the cooking. Why is that? I brought up our childhood chemistry sets as a possible explanation. Does following a recipe differ much from stewing up a mess of chemicals, other than there’s less chance of an explosion?
But explosions are why we played with our chemistry sets, said G.
And who follows recipes? said J.
Don’t glamorize it, said R. We cook because our wives work. We have to split the duties somehow, and cooking is a hell of a lot more fun than vacuuming or laundry. I’d rather cook any day than scrub toilets.
Oh yeah.
Hell yeah.
Grab me another beer while you’re up
Anybody have thoughts/instincts/insight into this cultural phenomenon?
Do you hang out with Bigfoot and his buddies? I do not know of even one man under 65 who does anymore cooking than weekend summer grilling. I’ll pass this around to my married friends and relatives….and soon you will hear their laughter from across the country.
My experience is mixed when it comes to men (under the age of 60) doing the cooking; it’s pretty much 50-50. My husband happens to be the chef in our house, but we’re pretty liberated: I’ve kept my family (aka “maiden”) name, and our girls have my last name, and our boy, my husbands. I know plenty, many more actually, where this is not the case.
But really, it seems to me, cooking is just the icing on the cake — at least in terms of women’s lib (if this is at least one of the points of the matter). Even, especially, in the 21st century, women remain underpaid, underpowered, and underfished compared to men.
Men, just ask yourself, I dare you: how much does your wife/partner make financially, control institutionally, and fish (truthfully) in comparison?
Great to hear from you, Gretel. I think it’s absolutely a consequence of women’s lib. Most of the men I know of my parents’ generation not only don’t cook, but don’t know how. Those of us who came of age in the 1960s and ’70s embraced equal rights for women and threw ourselves wholeheartedly into equal division of labor. There’s no doubt we all have a long way to go: women are still underpaid (though not in our family), underpowered (not ours, again), and underfished (guilty as charged).
Hmmm. Maybe it’s not as widespread a phenomenon as I think. But, really, most of my friends of the Bigfoot variety and otherwise do most of the cooking, in the kitchen and at the grill. And most of us enjoy it.
Perhaps you nailed it with the generation note. My cohort came of age in the Regan 80′s. ….aka 1950′s revisited.
I have to agree with Jerry. Though I know plenty of men who do not do the majority of the cooking, I also know a lot that do. I believe that part of this has to do with the division of labor at home, and how it is changing. However, I think a part of it comes from the ownership of food. No one is allowed to be culinarily ignorant any longer. When men start to learn a little more about the food they eat, they want to participate. Only natural, I suppose.
Great points, Chris. In my case, cooking is not only a consequence of learning more about food, but a rewarding way to unwind after a day of work. With a glass of wine and rock-and-roll on the stereo, it becomes a party.
I’ve always done the majority of cooking in any relationship I’ve ever been in, including my marriage of 20+ years. I happen to love cooking and I cook better than any woman I know other than a professional chef. Maybe it’s because I was a latch-key/only kid, so I had to learn early in life how to cook if I wanted to eat more than peanut butter sandwiches – and I found I loved it! It’s a way of creating something out of nothing, like an artist with water colours or sculptor with clay. And there’s something almost zen about chopping veggies…
Works out well, since I’m better at cooking, decorating, etc. and my wife is better with vehicles, computers and finances. It also gives me an excuse to build a collection of eclectic cookbooks (The Mafia Cookbook, Dining with Headhunters, Food as Foreplay, Real Men Don’t Cook Quiche, The Cowboy Cookbook, Dining with Sherlock Holmes, etc.)
Thanks, John. I hadn’t thought about the generation of latch-key kids who learned their way around the kitchen early. And how great that your wife is better than you at vehicles and computers.
Does she do home repairs also?
Actually, she does Jerry! Well, we both do the work – but she’s the “supervisor.”
Jerry doesn’t cook. He’s a house-husband in every way, but he panics when he gets near cooking pots or un-prepared food. Of course he’s way over 50.
Maybe Jerry’s been robbed of his motivation in the kitchen because you’re such a superb cook!
Delusional, as usual, Jer.
Yes, but you and Jim are in a different category. You’re such a good cook he’d be a fool to tamper with the kitchen dynamic.
Its a great discussion. I don’t mind sharing the fun as long as I get to keep some to myself and know many f both types of relationships. It all works as long as each gender pulls their own weight and the couple values what the other does.
In our case, it took an early death of each gender to wake us up. I took on more responsibility for my own car, etc, and my mate began to cook… but even more important, we each learned how to make the decisions of what and how to buy and take on clean up chores. Soon we regressed into doing what came naturally for each…but the lines were broken, tied together better and if we should ever make another commitment (we’re approaching 50 years) we will do so because we want to not because we can’t exist without a mate.
Jerry, I agree wholeheartedly. If not completely, I know a lot of guys that at least split the cooking duties. I do almost 100% of the cooking for many of the reasons listed in your post. I’m better at it/and find it more enjoyable than laundry, keeping track of bills, etc.
On top of it all, it just feels good – in a primordial sort of way.
I have worked. I have gathered food. I will now cook the food, eat it, and be happy.